When I look back at my 44 years of life there were always times of change. Some gradual and some seemingly overnight. Some changes were good and some were not. For me, it was the bad changes that made me who I am today. An unexpected divorce when I was two months pregnant showed me that no matter how bad a blow I was dealt, I could get through it. Even when I was sure my life was over, I somehow got through it. It's amazing what you can overcome when you just make the choice to do it. This was never more evident than when I was dealt the worst blow thus far in my life.
In my head my life is divided into two sections...my life before I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and my life since. As much as I long to be free of this disease, it has shaped me more than anything else in my life, and I know I'm a better and stronger person because of it. The day I was diagnosed will remain as fresh in my head years from now as it was that very day. I can remember every second of that day down to the most miniscule details. It's funny how the mind works. When I came home from the doctor after having been told I have this incurable disease, the shock was wearing off and I was beginning to feel. I was feeling the fear, the unknown, and thinking about all the what-if's. What if I end up in a wheelchair? What if I lose my eyesight? What if I can't take care of myself or my child?
I could have let these thoughts paralyze me. I had the choice to roll over and let MS have me. It would have been so easy to just give up. Not a chance. I wasn't going to give up! I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself...not for one second. Me, have a pity party ? Not happening. And I wasn't going to accept pity from my friends and family. I wasn't going to let this disease have my life.
Another choice I had was to let MS define who I was as a person. I could have let it consume my thinking, determine what I thought I was able to do in life, and be a main part of who I was. I didn't want to be "Chris with MS". I just wanted to be Chris. The same old me I had always been. I chose not to let this disease define me! I'm still me!
The last choice I had was to rise above my diagnosis and beat it. Yes! That was the only choice for me. I know this disease is incurable, but I'm not letting it have me. No way. In every way I can, I have succeeded in beating it. People tell me it's because I'm a really strong person. That's not true. I'm no stronger than anyone else, I promise you that. It's amazing what you can do when you just make the choice to do it. No matter what life deals you and how hopeless it seems...make the choice to rise above it. I did, and if I can do it...anyone can.
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